At least once every couple of months, someone mistakes me for Randy G. It happened again last evening at the grocery store. I walked up to a freezer case, a person standing there, turned around, gave me a crazy look and said, "Oh! I thought you were Randy!" This is someone who should f'in' know better, becuase she lived with him for more than a year!
The best case of Randymistakeness was when I was at the Farmer's Market on Palmer Court, when some guy starts snapping my picture, walks up to me and says, "Hi, Randy!" I said, "Dude, I'm not Randy." This guy is a photographer for the local newspaper - SOMEONE WHO SHOULD OBSERVE CLOSELY WHATEVER IT IS THAT HE IS LOOKING AT BEFORE HE TAKES A FREAKIN' PICTURE!
I'll admit that there is some resemblence, but it's only very general. Here's how I am not like Randy:
1) I'm about a foot taller
2) I don't have a beer bottle in my hand
3) I don't dress like one of the Lords of Flatbush (E.P. 10/31/03)
4) I'm not Randy
I feel cursed. I had to endure the constant berating from him when he lived here, and now I feel like I'm living in his drunken shadow.
Randy, I WANT MY IDENTITY BACK!
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13 comments:
You forgot a few other differences:
You are not doing a Jaeger shot.
You are not at the bar.
You are not wearing a Jesus Lizard T-shirt.
People call me Steve every time I go to DK but at least he's my brother and there is some resemblance. I know a few people who have mistaken you for Steve and vice versa.
I don't know what your talking about, this is great. If people confuse you for Randy, that gives you carte blanc to be a total dick.
Next time this happens get them to buy you a beer, then tell them how ugly they've gotten, and don't forget to mention that you've discovered the joy of man-love out in San Fran.
Shut up Randy
Methinks Randy doth protest too much?
Lick my dirty...
Randy is one pretty upset chick.
"Lick my dirty..."
I believe that the phrase begins "Fuck my dirty..."
I knew Randy Gardner. I have watched Randy Gardner eat an entire pan of bacon and onions. I have watched Randy Gardner make out with every crazy girl in DeKalb. Randy Gardner would never clean up a comment and you sir are no Randy Gardner!
Randy cooked meat in my pans!
When he lived with us!
And I was VEGAN!
Plus, one time he and Steve--forget his last names--that shortish guy, who sang at Clyde's sometime--ate two of my veggie burgers! While drunk!
It was YOU, wasn't it OD?
Back in the day when I first met Randy, I met a whole bunch of people about the same time. I had a hard time remembering which was Randy and which was Erin (err, Aaron? Aw crap.) cuz they both had ponytails. What can I say, I'm a stickler for details. Even though I think I knew better at that point, I slipped up when I passed Randy in the street one day and said, "Hey Erin." Randy turned on his heel and yelled, "I'm RANDY!" at the back of my head and I did some sort of cartoony full body wince.
But seriously OD, you're making too much of this. You've been there long enough that people should be confusing you with that tricycle-riding Klingon. Which do you prefer? The occasional "Hi Randy" or being chased by pitchfork-wielding villagers?
Gundy is right about me having been here long enough to be confused with Skeletor. I'll now list the ways that I am not like that guy:
1) My bicycle has 2 wheels, not 3
2) I have a destination when I ride my bicycle
(and, now the most distinctive difference)
3) I'm not DEAD!
Everyone had a different name for that guy.
Sean and I used to call him "Teleportation Man" - because he could teleport.
We'd be driving to the video store off Annie Glidden and see him heading West on Lincoln (towards Kish), then on the way home we'd see him way back at 1st Ave. HEADING IN THE SAME DIRECTION on Lincoln.
Either he could teleport, or there were two of those fuckers.
I think there's a bad sci-fi/horror movie in this somewhere.
Randy, when are you going to offer your readers a new entry?
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