Hangman

So, he and a few henchmen have been hung. I feel a little icky.

No Cameras!

Foreman Elf enforcing the strict "NO PHOTOGRAPHY" policy at Santa's workshop.

Christmas Central

This year's tree and the winner of the creepiest ornament on the tree award.

Christmasification Of The Dog And Steener House

We've been turning the apartment into Christmas Central. Although, we're not going full guns this year. By that, I mean that not all of the Rudolph figures will be displayed.


I did come up with a crafty little way to display Christmas cards: Tie loops on a string at 6 inch or so intervals, punch a hole in the corner of the card, push a loop through the hole and then pass a small green or red pipe cleaner through the loop, then bend the pipe cleaner into a bow shape. I'm a freakin' genius!


I think that week in high school when my mechanical drawing class switched with the home-ec class had a profound effect on me. Come to think of it, I was the only guy in the class who knew how to grease and flour a pan...

Grover and Yoda

Am I the only one who sees that Grover and Yoda have the same voice? Whenever I watch Empire Strikes Back, I can't get the image of Grover running around in the swanp with Luke out of my head.

Guten Tag, meine Turkische Freunden!

I'm glad to see that Benedict XVI is not backing down from his assertion that we need to move away from violence in religious expression in the face of violent expression of relious beliefs. If you're inclined to think that his visit to Turkey will only stir the pot, then you're missing the point: What better place is there to continue a diologue that has the potential to do some real good? Now it's Istanbul, but it once was Constantinople. Why did Constantinople get the works? It's nobody's business but the Turks - and maybe soon, France's, Germany's and the rest of the EU's business. This is significant because Turkey, while not a Muslim state, is a culturally Muslim nation that has a long history of living in the East and the West, and benefiting greatly from that duality.

While the Pope seeks to give a shout out to Turkey's Christian minority, he also wants to strengthen the bonds between peaceful relious people in the world. Turkey is a good backdrop for cementing a building block toward that goal, particularly between Christians and Muslims (we kinda need that right about now). Having been the seat of the Islamic Caliphate and then that of Christianity in the East, Istanbul is a very special place on this earth. The Hagia Sofia in Istanbul was a Christian church, then a mosque and is now a museum. Its Christian adornment, long hidden by plaster placed by Muslims, has been painstakingly uncovered by the Turkish government. Ironically, the effort to obscure those paintings has preserved them. It's a monument to both struggle and peace. Much like the rest of Turkey.

Mustafa Kemal (aka Ataturk, who I like to believe is called that because, after forming the state was patted on the back and told "Ata Turk!"), while being one tough SOB, formed a democratic nation out of the remnants of the Ottoman Empire. The lynchpin of that democracy: a fiercely secular government. It's military, while not a controlling force, is the guarantor of the secular government, and is very ready to exercise its options, though it has rarely done so militarily; it only needs to strategically offer its opinion. They have a professional army that produces some of this worlds most capable technocrats, adept at administration and internal politicing. Does this secularism in government diminish or constrain the religious life of the Turkish people? No. There is tremendous freedom for Muslims to worship openly, often, occasionally or seldom. Is Turkey particularly hospitable to Christians, Jews, Zoroastrians or what have you? Eh. It is primarily Muslim. At least you don't hear much about non-adherant Turks being offended by the star and crescent on their flag. Either they aren't offended, or nobody really cares that they're offended. They're fighting their own battle against the psuedo Muslim extremists. The Pope knows that, and is not there in spite of the wishes of the Turkish government.

I lived in Turkey for two years as a wee lad. I saw firsthand how present the connections to the West and Christianity are. I walked in the sandstone caves in Goreme where Christians hid out from Muslims. I saw the Roman ruins at Ephesus. I watched men slaughter sheep in the street during Ramadan. When I saw that, I thought about how ancient the whole religious experience is for them, and about how amazing it is that a Catholic kid from the States can have the opportunity to witness that. Being the kid of an Air Force officer who was involved in security matters, I got a bit of insight into the very close cooperation between the U.S. and Turkey. I visited the offices through which all of the U.S. military aid to Turkey flowed (JUSMAT). The chief of police in Ankara took us on a personal tour of the houses of government (I rang the bell in the parliament chamber). Turkey was also where I first saw people passionately exercise their political freedom in the streets during an election; I watched hundreds of people cram the streets with signs while shouting support for their candidates. I had mostly European and American friends, but I also played with Turkish Muslim and even a Turkish Christian kid. My point is that we weren't all trying to kill each other over there. Sure, there were some reminders of problems (we celebrated mass in a room with tape on the windows; in case of a bomb blast, the window would tend to stay in big pieces on the tape, rather than becoming deadly shards) and there were a few dicy moments (the night that we moved out of temporary housing when first arrived, a car bomb went off in front of the hotel; the bedroom my brother and I would have been in was covered with deadly shards). But for the most part, I remember things being pretty cordial and pleasant from day to day. Even at a very young age, I walked about fairly freely in my little few city blocks in Ankara.

Going to Turkey, and not backing down from a message that fundamentally is about love, is a wise and courageous thing for the Pope to do. The message is simple and should not be unstated, simply because attempts have been made to twist its meaning. Let the nay sayers in the West who don't like him anyway have their nay say, but when they call the guy in the funny robe a criminal who only seeks to enrich his powerful organization that is all about banking and keeping people from getting piercings and sleeping with each other, blah, blah, blah - they aren't helping anybody. It's about time we had some serious efforts at winning hearts and minds. I don't need to ask how many battalions the Pope has; I only need to know that he's trying to spread the love.

I think I need to change...

No, not my underwear, not my socks and not my brand of peanut butter. I think I need to change the look of my blog. It's too, blahhhhhhhh. I don't want to have to change all of my crap, though. I always screw something up when I try to change too much.

All the other kids have cool blogs!

Mmmmmm! That's Good Spam!

I have fun reading all of the stupid generated spam mail titles. Today I received my favorite to date:

Pork Soda

If we hadn't already settled on Big Drag, I might suggest it for the band. I guess Dev will have to use it when he launces his new porn site.

Rumsfeld and Robert Culp

Eventually, there will be a movie about the 2 terms of G.W. I've got a head start on the casting. I submit Robert Culp as Donald Rumsfeld. I think that G.W. would be proud to have the part of his defense secretary played by someone who truly did aide The Greatest American Hero.

If I Only Had The Money to Burn

Let me start by saying that I'm fully prepaired to take your jabs and barbs for this one, but I would totally buy this if I had the change lying around! The John Taylor Signature Peavey Bass.

To make it even more gay, you have to buy it from Neiman Marcus, because it's issued by Juicy Couture (his wife founded Juicy Couture, and he designs the men's line).

My birthday is December 19th.

No Noose Is Good Noose

So, I see that the judiciary of the fledgling democracy has sent down a verdict on its former leader. Can we all agree that the next time we depose a dictator, that we completely destroy the enemy in his piss-ass country, and then shoot the bastard in a military operation, so that we can call it a combat death? Or, after we've muscled in, give them the choice of accepting a set of laws that we would want to live under or leaving them alone in a smoking rubble.

I'm opposed to the death penalty, and not because the process to get to it is flawed, but because it's wrong. The fact that we put our stamp of approval on the set of laws there makes me feel somewhat a part of putting that piece of shit at the end of a rope. The world will watch as a good old fashioned hanging goes down while thousands of our troops are present to protect the regime that's doin' the deed.

Yes, I know that we shot our way in there, and that we kill in war. I don't want to have that debate. I know that war is different than execution as a legal outcome. Yes, you can argue the legality of this war, but when you've put our military in that position, it's war for them. The guilt is placed elsewhere.

When you're watching the video, try to think about all that we have here in the good ol' USA, and try to imagine it without the stink of THAT being carried out within our own borders. While you're at it, think about China and their recent "reforms" regarding the death penalty and how much you don't want to be even anything like those crazy bastards.

If you want the prospect of death to be a deterrent to crime, then make it more likely that criminals will face it during the commision of their crime, when the victim really has something to gain from it, not many months or years later.

Duran F'in Duran

Big Duran Duran show last night at the brand spankin' new Sears Centre. Loads of good fun. No Santi sighting, but I'm sure he was busy yelling at people all night.


We did run into a few friendly faces, most notably JMoo and hubby.


I think I am the only person to have ever given the rock horns to Duran Duran.

Scaring Myself

Help me. I'm looking at Rich Whitney as a choice that I might actually make at the ballot box.

And, no, the color choice of my blog has not been a precursor to any radical political departure for me.

Someone, anybody (edp, olekobe, liar, P Dawg), tell me why I'm thinkin' crazy. Is it the bad, bad cold that I'm recovering from, the dextromethorphan or something else. Jeanz, feel free to tell me why I'm not crazy.

Weekend, Here I Come!

Started off pretty damn good, so far.

I'm stuffed full of pizza that we ate at the in-laws. Caught a bit of the Toledo vs. KU game. Yes, I'm turning into a MAC football junkie.


Leaving super early Saturday morning for Chi-town. Steener is helping Val with her booth at the Renegade Craft Fair. I'll have brunch with the amazing Craig Gunderson, and then I head back to Barb City with a stop at the folk's in the H.E. Then, it's a little apartment maintenance and maybe head out to Brigham Field at Huskie Stadium to cheer my Huskies on against Buffalo. If not, then I play me some guitar and eat leftover pizza. A drink at the waterin' hole might be in order late evening.

Sunday brings a lazy day, and then collect the Steener in Elburn.

Weekend continues with day off on Monday to see the eye lady.

O.K., it ain't rip-roaring, high speed action, but it sounds like a good plan to me.

If you got the notion, go to the Renegade Craft Fair. Booth #99 is Makeout Goods.

Eruption!

Here's my favorite You Tube effort. A search for "Eruption" will take you into a million suburban homes where a kid is rocking out. Perhaps Big Soda will give it a whirl on the ol' You Tube for us?

Violin Eruption

New Post for New Post's Sake

OK, maybe not just for that reason.

I haven't been blogging or epissying much because I've been a little lazy on that front and have been doing little busy chores that I can't remember and working on MySpace page for Big Drag and thinking in run-on sentences. I've also been a little anti-social. Sorry.

I was down for the defeat of my Huskies to OU on Saturday, then up for the Bears win against the Cheezwizheads. I think I'm in a very football mood as we move into the fall. If anything, it will give me an excuse to eat crappy food and drink beer.

I should try to learn more about football and try to keep track of the NFL this season. I've always admired people who follow sports - I think it's a sign of intelligence. I mean, the people who can watch, keep track of stats, analyze it all and who can appreciate the personalities and the game are usually pretty interesting people, and they always have something to talk about. We'll see how that goes for me! What do I know, I schluff hearing aids and go "bloom, bloom, bloom" on the bass.

I hope all of the bloggers are well and that everyone stays warm and happy this fall/winter.

Eye, Eye, Eye!

I'm going off the rails of this crazy eye train!


I tried to get a picture of the "loaner bin" of eyes at the ocularist, but she only brought a few out. The one on the right is mine. I believe the one on the far left is the one that I now have in my noggin.


I go back on the 25th. I'll try to get some good pics then.

No Time To Blog!

Gaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!


How is it that I can spend 24hrs of every day doing something other than blogging? I can't even keep up with reading all of yours!


Here's some quick, random thoughts:


Big Drag practice - I can't wait

Cubs + Edp = years of therapy for Cub Girl (see edp's blog)


Kids at end of the street with totally ghetto skate ramp - Get that fucking thing off of the street when you go inside for the night! I wanted to run into it, just so that you could cry yellow, Kraft mac and cheese stained tears the next day

Cornfest - gimme my free corn, a killerita and the number 5 (crispy, please)

Bring It All Together

I really hoped that the last question would get several different responses, and it did. Now, what I'd like to know is what they have to do with each other.


The old guy lamented the loss of a way that once was; a way of intereacting with one another that seems, to him at least, to have gone away from our general way of being. Are we really less caring, more crass and cold-hearted now than when the old guy was in his prime? When I was talking to him, I wondered if it was ever there to begin with. I don't know, because I wasn't there. Maybe there is a fond memory that is false. I hear about good deeds, see good deeds and beleive that people generally do desire good.

Does being nice, good and kind mean the same thing to us today that it did yesterday? To "renew" means that something is returning to it's original form or consistency. However, it seems to me that the word is interchangable with "re-invent" or "improve", to some people.

I honestly don't know exactly what I hope to learn from this, but I do think that it's just very difficult to see the good in others and ourselves and really embrace it and act on it, make it a part of our lives.

Lion and Elephant: Origins of the Rivalry

Dr. Jurgen Streeck, of the University of Texas at Austin, writes on the origins of rap music:


"Yet another African-American speech genre that reappears in rap
are the toasts. Toasts are rhymed folk-tales about various mythical folkheroes.
The most famous ones are Staggolee, a gangster (who is
actually based on a real person), Shane who by his wit survived the
sinking of the Titanic, and—to me the most intersting one—the Signifying
Monkey (which apparently was brought to America by the slaves from
West-Africa); it may originally have been a Yoruba figure. The signifying
monkey always does one thing: he tells the lion that the elephant has
insulted him (the lion, or vice versa), which makes the lion get into a fight
with the elephant. He gets bruised and beaten and comes back to beat
up the monkey. Sometimes the monkey escapes onto the tree,
sometimes he gets beaten, but he always comes back to signify some
more: he just can’t repress his linguistic wit."


I guess this explains why that damn monkey got booted after their first project. Has anyone heard from the monkey? Hmmmmm.

Here's a question:

What does it mean to "renew yourself"?

Now We're Getting Somewhere

Di, comin' through with the ideas (someone give her a raise). Here's what she's got for us:


1. Try to be good people.
2. Be nice
3. Remain open.


Let's start by picking each of these apart; we'll try to learn what they mean, and then we'll talk about if and how we can accomplish each of these goals and what the intended or unintended outcomes of each might be.


1. What is being "good" to people?

2 What is being "nice" to people?

3 What does it mean to "remain open"?

What Are We To Do? HOLD THE PHONE!!!

I listened to a custom rant for about 20 minutes this afternoon about how there is very little basic, common sense and desire to treat people fairly in this world anymore. He's correct. He hopes that the "computer people", as he refers to his grandchildren and their peers (us) will see what's going on and turn things around.

O.K. So, what do you guys and gals want to do about this problem?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I wondered why there was such an anti old guy response, then I saw that did not make my point clear at all! The old guy blames the generation between his and ours. He hopes that WE will undo what has been done by our preceding generation - the out of control corporate disregard for decency, honesty and integrity.

O.K. So, what do you guys and gals want to do about this problem that we did not create?

Please, Make It STOP!

This is day 4, and I still have "Hey, Jealousy" stuck in my head!

I was never a big fan of the Gin Blossoms, and I'm still not. However, it was an O.K. show - it's pop. I'm afflicted now with that urgent tempo, melody and wavering vocal blasting in my skull every 5 minutes!

I need help. I've tried to get other songs stuck in my head, even other Gin Blossom songs, but I can't even think of any! It has a death grip on me.

Please put a different song in my head before I drive around this town and let the cops chase me around.

I'm On The Patch

Here's the sexy little number I've been wearing. Skimpy, ain't it? Sorry, no shot of me wearing it. Maybe I'll model it sometime in the future.

So, Saturday night, the Steener and I are at the Gin Blossoms show in West Dundee, at the Clearwater Theater (my brother's band, Curbside Life, opened for them). I can't be sure that it wasn't the swagger of a couple Jack and Cokes or the eyepatch, but when I walked toward the bathroom, the crowd parted like the Red Sea for Moses. I got a lot of wide-eyed stares and I was a little freaked out by it. It was kinda nice, though. I wonder by how much a leather vest would have cranked-up the tough factor. I think Mike K. is almost correct: it could say "knife fight"; or, it could say "soap opera actor". In my case, it probably says "pencil accident".

Observation:

When you are wearing an eyepatch, people get out of your way.


I'll explain later. I have to go to sleep.

HOT!

I stepped outside this morning and all of the skin on my body instantly burned off. I'll apply some ointment now.

Turkeycheezie

Let's all turn our saddened eyes away from the ever boiling mid-east turmoil and think about something else, for just a few moments.

Here is a low(er) fat alternative to the classic Francheezie. I call it the Turkeycheezie. It's made with turkey dogs and turkey bacon.



Mmmmmm! Tasty! It will leave you with a good feeling, not at all like that you get from; war in Iraq and Afghanistan; terrorist threats (domestic and from abroad); or the Israel/Palestine/Lebanon/Iran/Syria conflict.

Can't we all just have a big Turkeycheezie together?

This Movie Looks Just Dumb Enough For Me To Love

My Super Ex-Girlfriend


The shark! Holy crap - the shark alone will be worth the price of admission!

Old Guy Joke

In a comment on my previous post, Mikey reminded me of a particular old guy joke. Being in the hearing aid biz, I hear a few of them now-and-then. This one seems to cycle through the retirement home/senior center circuit about every 2 or 3 years:


A guy goes to his doctor complaining of hearing loss in one ear. The doctor looks in his ear, then with tweezers, pulls out a suppository. The guy then says, "Well, that explains where my hearing aid went!"

Just A Little Patience, Yea, Yea...

So, I'm going to the Dr. today, which means I might wait a long time in at least two different waiting rooms. I think that I'm a fairly patient person. I've trained for this type of thing my whole life (having spent countless hours sitting in waiting rooms). I'm pretty good at it. Some people are clearly not very good at it.

When I'm waitng I often think of one guy, an adult man, who was in a waiting room with me an a handfull of other people, oh, maybe 20 years ago. He had to be approximately 45 years old, but just acted like a 2 year old. Unbelievable. He was fidgeting, whining and constantly walking up to the receptionist asking, "I've been waiting a long time. How much longer?" He asked the rest of us if we thought it was ridiculous that we all had to wait so long. We pretty much told him to relax, and that this is normal. What we should have told him was to stop acting like a child.

I generally think that the ability to be patient in those those situations is something that should be expected. After all, it's likely that the reason you are waiting is because the doctor is paying due attention to someone elses needs, and you should wish the same for yourself. Or, it could be that the good doctor has purposely over-booked his/her day, just in case of cancellations or to squeeze more paying bodies into accounts receivable. Seeing how many people need the services of doctors, and given the specialization of the doctor I'll see today, his reputation and the reputation of the institution he's associated with - I'm going to assume that he's in great demand. I know that he takes due time with me, and I'm O.K. with waiting. That's why they call us "patients", isn't it?

The Old Dog - European Super Fan (or, my wife went to Italy, and all I got was this silly hat)

Who knew? The Steener goes to Italy this summer to visit family and picks up this hat for me, then the Italians make it to the finals. Now, I can strut around in my awethentik Eyetalian sports fan hat and everyone will think that I'm some sort of superfan. Too bad I'm in no shape to go around hooliganing this weekend.

Back To Reality

My first day back at work, and it went fairly well. Not too stressful and everyone digs my new shades look. The ones I wore today are darker, smaller, square frames - not the fashionable monsters in the previous post. Edp told me that the new ones make me look like Jim Jones. I've got a dixie-cup of cool-aid for him. Yep, I'll be shades-guy until I get my fake eye back in my head.

I sat out the big O'Garverty 4th bash. I'm a bit leary yet of so much party hustle and bustle. I don't want to do something stupid and undo the good doctor's work. I'll have to just show up one day soon and set myself to drinking all the fan-cans in the garage fridge. Ah, the fan cans! I don't even like the Cubs, but the fan cans go down smooth!

I'm baaaaaaaaaaack!

I've learned a few things in the last week or so:


1. No more surgeries - ever!


2. A spouse who will take care of you is very good to have


3. I get bored


4. All the members of .38 Special have found work on the set of Dead Wood


5. Surgery on your eye socket requires a radical change of style

Surgery Recap

I just filled up the Old Dog with his cocktail of Vicodin, antibiotics, and steroids. While he's soaking that in, I'll give you all an update on the surgery et al. It's long--I'm wordy, sorry.

The surgery itself went well--his doctor, J.C. (I won't divulge his full name here), is great--you gotta love a guy who uses Rocky Balboa as a reference point when telling the wife what to watch out for during the recovery period, and who later calculated for us how much money Roger Clemens makes per pitch.

The surgery and recovery took a total of 4 hours. During that time, I ate breakfast in the hospital cafeteria while reading Jane magazine, dropped a strawberry on my white t-shirt, and resisted having tater tots at 9:00 a.m. Then I spent the next 3 hours in the surgical waiting room, reading Hard Times and watching the other people in the waiting room, who were watching everyone else, too.

OD can explain the more technical aspects of the surgery: canthoplasty, orbitotomy, and sutures. The doctor inserted an implant at the base of his eye socket and in the back. There is a conformer in the socket right now; in about a month, the doctor will try to fit the current prostethic in there, and if that doesn't work, it will have to be modified to fit the smaller space.

However, we do not know what any of that looks like right now because his eye is sewn shut--and no, we won't be posting photos of that. The doctor's initial are written on his forehead over the left eye, too. The doctors do that in the presence of the patient, prior to any anesthesia, to make sure that the patient knows exactly what's going on.

OD was in good spirits the rest of the day. I was able to sit in the room with him, and later his mom and sister came to visit. The nurses were really nice and talked to him a lot, had a few laughs. I wasn't prepared, however, for when one nurse held up a clear baggie that contained the prostethic eye and asked "What do ya want me to do with this?"

The pain wasn't too bad because he had a morphine drip, and over the course of the next 20 hours or so, he could press a little button every 12 minutes and give himself a healthy dose. Too bad we couldn't take that home with us.

I spend the night at the Holiday Inn, and when I went back to the hospital this morning, I was very pleased to find OD sitting up in bed, finishing breakfast and watching cable news--that's when I knew he was going to be just fine.

The doctor is extremely pleased with the success of the surgery and very confident about the recovery process. We feel great about it, too. The difficult part right now, until Tuesday at least, is keeping the pain at bay and keeping the sutures clean, which I do 3-4 times a day. Next Tuesday, we go back to the doc's office and hopefully the sutures will come out.

In the meantime, OD's schedule will consist of taking lots of medication, putting a bag of frozen peas on his face, and wearing sunglasses indoors. His appetite is great (thanks for the superb mostaccioli, KJ!), and he sat through an episode of What Not to Wear with me.

If you want to give OD a call, please use our home number instead of the cell. I am also checking his email, so if you want to send him a more personal message than a blog response, go ahead. I'm checking his email and blog a few times a day. I will relay everything back to him.
Also, if you want to visit, please do--just give us a call first.

Now, I'm going to put another bag of frozen peas on that eye, and then I need to work off the two 16-oz. pudding parfaits that I consumed while hanging out at the hospital (not both at once; I split them up between yesterday's lunch and today's breakfast--pudding and iced tea, yum).

OD wants ya'll to know that he appreciates your well-wishes. Thanks for being good pals.

More Junk on the mp3 Player

I love this thing!

I'm trying to catch up with decades of music that I've missed. So, forgive my goings on about stuff that the rest of you cool kids who didn't waste time listening to total crap have already been through.

P.J. Harvey - Eh. I might have been more impressed then.

Sampling of 60's Dylan that edP gave to me - Some I've already heard and liked. I can't say that it makes me a huge fan, but I can see why it's so regarded. As an aside, I still like the old Springsteen stuff (generally dislike much of the post Born To Run), but I think he owes royalties to Dylan.

Shame - No shame in that. Kurt is a madman.

US Maple Talker - Good, but not nearly as good as Purple On Time.


I'm really sensitive about my lack of exposure to music, and therefore am somewhat bashful about my opinions, but I'm trying to get over that. For a guy who is supposed to be a musician, I really know nothing about music.

My Favorite Line From a Song Right Now

I don't know who it is, but it's on my mp3 player and I'm too lazy to make the effort, but my favorite line from one of their songs is:

Note to invading aliens - avoid this town...

Vince the One Eyed Eye

Chris B remined me of my old buddy Vince. Vince is the first fake eye that I had.

When they make a fake eye, your name is printed on it. They do this in case it gets lost and the staff at the old folks home has to sort out Vinces eye, from Thelma's, Dan's and Betty Lou's eyes. I'm told this happens fairly often. When I was being fitted with my eye, the woman that makes them gave me a loaner. Seeing her sifting through the loaner bin to find one that might fit was pretty cool. Imagine a plastic shoe box filled with fake eyes. The one that I got had "Vince" written on it. It looked a little funny, but better than what the real eye had looked like, and it was only temporary. My only concern was that this "Vince" guy might come looking for it in some X-Files or Twilight Zone way.

I had to give Vince back about a week later when my eye was finished. Instead of my name, I had the lady write "Old Dog" on my eye. Thousands of years from now, if anyone finds my remains, all there will be is 4 titanium screws where my feet were and a fake eye that says Old Dog. Maybe they'll they'll think I was a robot dog.

The Haps

I was reading the 2005 PGA tour book at the opthalmologist's office yesterday. They have a little bio on each golfer that includes off the course interests. By far, the best was from Jonathan Kaye, who described himself as an "avid indoorsman". I'll use that from now on to describe our friend, the famous William T, the man who says that "nature is itchy".

The reason for the visit with the good doctor is that I am scheduled to have surgery on June 22nd.

For those of you unfamiliar with the saga of the eye socket, I had my left one (eye) removed way back in the Dark Days. The reason was that, back when I was a pup, I had cataracts removed from both eyes at about age 3. The left one hemoraged. So, they had to go back in and stop the bleeding, leaving scar tissue. When that happens, it is usually the case that when you hit your mid 20's, you develop glaucoma. The mechanism that regulates the pressure in the ol' Auge goes to hell. The pressure builds, and builds, and builds, causing very, very, very painful breaks in the cornea and an almost constant dull ache. As I am exceedingly usual, naturally, it happened to me. I lived with it for several years, managing the pain with over-the-counter, bottom-of-the bottle and other means. That was a significant feature of the Dark Days.

Turns out, when they take out your eyeball, the fat in the surrounding tissue gets absorbed back into your body, things settle down and you can end up with a fairly large, empty space in there - like I need more empty space in my head. What the highly skilled, proficient (I keep telling myself that) doctor will do is what is called canthoplasty. Essentially, he will insert a piece of plastic at front of the lower region of my eye socket. There is already an implant at the back of my socket, attached to the muscle, against which my prosthetic eye rests, allowing it to move (more or less) in unison with my right eye. He plans to extend that to further reduce the sunken-socket look that is now a facet of my devilishly handsome mug. Oh, who am I kidding. I look like Mr. Rogers or Randy, depending on who you ask - both fine looking gents in their own right.

As you might imagine, it's done under general anesthetic. I'll schlaf at the Krankenhaus that night, just in case of bleeding. I'll then be on the DL for about a week. Which means I'll be on my ass watching movies. I'd appreciate some suggestions in that department.

While the subject of bleeding from the eye socket is up, I'll continue my longest post ever with a funny story that I only heard for the first time yesterday. This is doubly funny, because it's about me. Let me explain:

Immediately after the removal of my left eye (no overnight stay that time) my mother and my sister, Cathy, drove me from the hospital in Maywood to my home in DeKalb. Along the way, though, I managed to convince them that it would be a good idea for us to stop at Garibaldi's pizza in Arlington Heights and have lunch. That was the high quality painkiller talking. My sister describes me as the unfortunate counter help at Garibaldi's saw me that day: a greasy haired, totally out of it guy in a green army-style jacket with a bloody eye patch, swaying back-and-forth. By her report, the poor guy asked me what I would like and then, as though on cue, blood began seeping out from under the patch and running down my cheek. He looked at her with "a horrified look on his face". She then said, "Oh, we're together. He just had surgery." What else can you say? I even convinced them to stay and eat in the restaraunt. I remember being there, but I don't remember all the blood. I'm sure a few sides of marinara went to waste that afternoon.

There was more severe bleeding when I got home, but I got in touch with the surgeon and she very skillfully directed my actions to mitigate the situation. I saw her the next day. No harm done. I must say that I had the finest treatment throughout that experience. In retrospect, the only thing that I would like to have been differently is to have had an overnight stay for observation. I hope that this doesn't sound sexist, but aside from the anesthesiologist, all of my care was provided for by women. I think that calmed me and put me at ease. I would have sought out that same doctor for this, but I couldn't locate her. This surgeon in Wheaton has earned my trust. Maybe there will be a female surgical nurse that will give me that feeling that mommy is there while I'm under the sleepy juice.

So, it's all set. The only wild card is that in the course of the pre-op physical, my GP found that my blood sugar is low. I went in this morning (well, Saturday now) for some follow-up lab sampling. I'm crossing my fingers that he doesn't put the brakes on this; I've already booked the time off from work and I don't relish the idea of extending the anticipation. It's like that feeling that you got as a kid when you're standing in line for a roller coaster that you've been on before, but you're not REALLY excited about getting on again.

That's it. I'm tired and I have to crash. My rockin' Saturday night at home is over.

Prosper in your various enterprises.

Yikes

I mentioned to someone this afternoon that I have an appointment with a doctor on Friday. I joked that they are going to remove my brain. This person said, "You serious?"


I said, "No. They can have my brain when they pry it from my cold, dead hand."


She didn't get it.

Confessions Of A Lazy Blogger

Ed has a point, but that last one was useful to Kaka. So, it was worth it .

Steener got back last Tuesday from Italy and has been sick ever since. Not good. She's much better now, though. There's some good pictures (of Italy. Not her being sick). I'll get some up (or, maybe I can persuade her to blog) later this evening, maybe.

I should really start carrying my camera. There's a PT-Cruiser parked outside of the library with a giant, blue baseball cap on top of it. The hat is bigger than the car. I want a giant kid in baseball gear to come running after it.

During all of the cat poop blogging, I finished A Brief History of Time. Yes, it takes me forever and a day to read a book. I don't spend enough time reading, and when I do I read slowly. I just started Darwinian Natural Right by Larry Arnhardt. Edp can go into much detail about it, and I hope that he does. I'll try to wrap my tiny brain around the book, but will rely on him to explain much of it, I'm sure. I hope that this book gives me a better understanding of natural right and Darwinism. Next in line is a giant book about Stalin, The Red Tsar.


I haven't filled the mp3 player with anything except what I already had on the computer, because, as I'm lazy, I haven't ripped much of anything in quite a while. So, I've got some Big Drag, followed by Starch, Iron Maiden, edp and Duran Duran. O.K. Liar and Ed, go ahead and rip into me about the Duran Duran. I'm ready. My first response to your crap is; no, I don't confuse the mp3 player with the tampons in my purse.

I'm really looking forward to rockin' with the Big Draggers on Thursday. After seeing Chris rockin' out with the band he's cheating on us with, I also really want to play another show. Gonna have to work on that.

I'm gonna get my scrawny butt back to the office now, so's I can eat my sammich.

Catch you all later.

Litter Blog

Seeing that I am starting to take some crap for not having blogged in a while, I'll address the litter box issue in more detail.

Kaka, the pee can be found outside of the litter box for, I think, several reasons. It could be that the cat is lazy or just happened to be tired. Jimmy the Greek would tell us that the white cat is lazy. But, whatever the color scheme of your feline, it can be that it is a little lazy or tired. I've seen it. Kinda drowsily walks into the box, makes a half-hearted show of moving the litter around and then squats with its ass over the edge of the box. And there you have it. Or, it could be that kitty isn't feeling well. In which case, keep an eye on it.

The litter box is generally a good place to find out what's going on with your cat. For instance, are all of those "snacks" you're throwing its way doing some damage? Check the box. Is it getting enough to drink? Check the box. Is it lazy? Check around the box.

Best cat litter? Special kitty scoopable. You can buy it in the big box for as much as you pay for half the litter in the plastic container. Keep one of the plastic containers around, invest $2.50 in a large scoop and and a funnel, and you're saving big bucks on good quality ground clay litter.

That's all for cat poop talk today.

See you in the blogosphere.

I Love You Jonny Cat

Barbaro

This was edspired (that means you can blame him)

Barbaro (Click Here)

Enjoying My Vacation

No, really. I'm sure that none of you can relate to this, but I enjoy not having to go to a job. I've forgotten what it's like to take more than a couple of days off at a stretch. I could get used to this.

Still, I can't sleep past 8am. I'm glad about that. I know that being on vacation means that I should be sleeping in until 1pm, then cracking a beer and watching the Beverly Hillbillies, but I just can't do that. Intead, I've been slooooowly knocking things off of a to do list. Nothing major, just little crap that I could get done in a weekend, but I'm stretching it out. The rest of the time has been filled with taking a trip out to see my family in the burbs, touring the blogosphere, hanging out with the cat, reading a little bit and, as you can see, cranking out another Cousin Billy Joel project.

My big sister is back in town. She's the bestest big sister in the whole wide world! She gave me an mp3 player. It's cool, and one of the things that I would have put off getting for myself until eternity. I will always find a reason to not get something that I want. I'll buy bass gear because I need it, but I just feel wierd buying something like an mp3 player. It seems indulgent. It's difficlult even bring myself to buy essential things, like shoes and clothing when I need that. I know that I'll be one of those tidy old men that has 5 shirts, 4 pairs of pants and always has the same stupid hat on.

I should spend some time outside tomorrow.

New Song From Cousin Billy Joel

After being away from the Cousin Billy Joel project for several years, the famous Cousin Billy and I got together this afternoon and made magic. It was as though no time had passed since our last collaboration. Sure, we're using better drums, keyboards and recording technology, but the feeling and artistic sensibility is still there. The beer helped, too.

There were a couple of different Billy Joel songs that we had in mind to "treat" with todays session, but after it became apparent to us that The Longest Time can really sound like a filthy, dirty stalker song, it became the obvious choice.

Here it is. Enjoy.

The Longest Time

Breakfast

- Turkey bacon and cheese omelet
- turkey bacon
- whole grain waffles

It's all about the turkey bacon. Naturally, I put Tapatio sauce on the eggs.

My first ever attempt at flipping an omelet went much better than I expected. I lost only about 1/4 of the entire thing.

Fuel for a new session of Cousin Billy Joel, unfortunately for all of you.

Day 2: The Old Dog and The Old Cat

The Steener is visiting relatives in Italy. Hopefully, we won't both be eating off of the floor by the time she gets back. I have a few projects planned for the week, but mostly I'm looking forward to making a dent in a tub of horseradish-cheddar spread. Tonight - Bog at Otto's.

Huh?

So, I read today that Verizon, etc. are denying that they made any agreement with the NSA. Are they under super-secret contract, or is this an example of media running on half of a story?

I also see that the Pentagon released a photo that seems to show an airplane crashing into its headquarters on 9/11. They MUST have doctored that up to cover their tracks.

On a related note, I overheard someone today say that the Vatican is telling everybody not to see the da Vinci Code because they don't want people to know the truth. As support for this argument, this person said, "We can't possibly know what went on back then."

Ugh. It's time for a new conspiracy theory. I'm tired of the old ones.

Not Very Bloggie

Not much blog time lately, but I'd like to throw this out here, because I haven't made up my mind about the whole NSA telephone record thing:

1) Didn't we already hear about this "secret" program?

2) People say they want government oversight and control of so many other things, including national healthcare, utilities (remember, the big dishonest corporations can't be trusted), why are we so shocked and concerned when we learn that the big G can track our phone calls? I assumed that they could anyway! If they want to, the police can already tell where you are when you're on your cell phone.

I know that ready access to that info is creepy. I don't like it either. However, I can't help but think that we asked for this when we began demanding faster, cheaper, better and more convenient everything. If it is being used the way that they say it is, tracking patters of pin-pointed suspects, then it really does fall under the category of a policing approach to fighting terrorism that the Bushys got slammed for not taking on as a tactic. Still, I don't see how a dragnet of the info is needed if they already know who they're watching. Seems like that much data would be overwhelming to a targeted investigation.

O.K. Now, rip my observations to shreds.

I guess I am feeling bloggie.

My Own Francheezie Conspiracy Rant

So, I went to the Junction to get my Francheezie and find that it is no longer on the menu. They were nice enough to put one together for me that consisted of two dogs with the cheeze and bacon, deep fried, but the bun was a seeded sub bun. Not the same, but still good. But, WHY TAKE IT OFF OF THE MENU?


I think that I know the answer. It's a conspiracy. Slowly, the far left wing elements in the world are trying to take away our meat. The evidence is all around. There are far more meat alternatives available, even in our fast food restaurants. I think they are putting pressure on the restaurant industry with threats to unionize unless they PHASE OUT MEAT. They chose to eliminate the Francheezie because of its selective appeal. Only a small number of people will complain. Therefore, they can make the argument that we are just a small, fringe group of radicals, and should not be taken seriously. Next, they'll go after the hot ham and cheese, and then the Monte Cristo until they work their way up to the Rueben. After that, they will boldly go after the bacon cheeseburger! WE ARE THEN DOOMED, AND THEY WILL HAVE WON!

We cannot let this happen!

If you love the American way and meat, you MUST take action. Write to your congressmen and demand that they TAKE ACTION against the communist efforts to take away our meat. Also, go to restaurants and order a Francheezie. If they tell you that they don't serve them, ASK TO SPEAK WITH THE MANAGER and demand to know why.

Fight against the incremental efforts to take away our right to eat a Francheezie!

Cinco de Mayo de Gastro de Blogo

Everyone at work is bringing Mexican food on Friday. I made jalepeno corn muffins. Friday evening might be a very special Gastro Blog. It might also mean that I'll be sleeping in the garage that night.

The Glory of the Francheezie

While I have the bacon wrapped weenie still fresh in my mind (much fresher than they can be found at the buffet), I'd like to declare May to be Francheezie month.

A Francheezie, of course, is a hot dog (or Polish) cut down the middle, stuffed with American cheese and wrapped in bacon. If you've never had one, do yourself a favor and get one. You can find them on the menu at most greasy diners. For those of you in Chi-Town, I'll recommend Zephyr. I've also found a blogger who is passionate about the Francheezie with his/her own recommended spot to obtain one:

http://www.chicagofoodies.com/2005/09/francheezie_cam.html

If you are not into eating meat, then I recommend that you try building your own with the Morningstar Dog and your favorite fake bacon. I'm sure that will also be good, and will allow you to participate in this celebration.

I plan to celebrate at The Junction. It's been far too long since I've had one there; it will also mark the end of my Junction Francheezie boycot that began years ago when I bit into a broken toothpick while enjoying the king of all bad-for-you food items.

Happy Francheezie month!

And The Winner Is...

The Steener!

She shared the award with a colleague and was introduced to the crowd with a long list of her accomplishments and contributions. She doesn't believe it, but she is bright an knowledgable. I don't know why I'm lettin' that woman go git all that book lernin'! I can't barely understand her an her all high fallootin' talkin. I just says, "Whar's ma dinner!???" an she don't say nuthin'! Ain't right, I tells ya.

And now, the gastroblog from the day:

- Coffee and cereal at home (and a donut)
- More and more coffee at the event
- Piles, and piles of spicy chicken and brocolli at the China House
- The usual egg rolls, crab rangoon, honey chicken

I should have had one little hot dog wrapped in bacon, because it's all I can think about since then. Damn. I should know better than to pass on that little treat.

BURP!

A Good Weekend

I hope the weather is good. However, if it's not, it'll still be good. Rock and/or Roll this evening and Sunday is an award ceremony at which the Steener will receive a teaching award. She's pretty modest about her accomplishments; therefore, I'll trumpet them. She's being recognized for excellence in teaching composition.


I have no plans on Saturday, which is just fine with me.

Now, Something Happy and Fun

This is one hell of a gorgeous day, and I cannot wait to rock out with my buddies tonight. I hope that we can soon bring the rock to our friends.

Have wonderfull days and a great weekend!

Hardly Needs To Be Mentioned

Way to go, Lady Di. You totally called me out on my weak blogging. That's Moxy (Which happens to be the name of a pretty cool store in DeKalb that you should visit).

I just learned today about a little production called "Loose Change" by a couple of young morons who believe that U.S. Military planes crashed into the World Trade Center on 9/11 as part of a conspiracy to get us into a war. They also believe that no plane crashed into the Pentagon, that it was a cruise missile that our military fired. While I think that there is plenty of room for argument on both sides over reasons and a need for invading Iraq, it just boggles my mind that enough people really think that there is something to these stupid conspiracy theories that normal people are actually talking about it!

I don't know why this is bothering me so much. I've tried to just ignore all the lunacy and feel sorry for them, and I'm certain that the internets are amplifying the whole thing, but I think that I might be a little bit offended that it has to occupy so much of my visual field (limited, though it is). I also can't help but be worried that if enough people buy into it, that it might be regarded as a legitimate position. My heart dropped when I heard Charlie Sheen talk about it, because it means that it will start getting the hollywood/entertainment traction that other jive-ass crap (like Scientology and fad Kabala) gets.

I'm happy to listen to the argument that, aside from Afghanistan, we invaded the wrong country, but I just cannot get past feeling sick about having to listen to an argument that mis-identifies the culprits in what happened that day!

CRAP!

I spent all of my time looking at your damn blogs and ran out of time to put anything on mine!

Curses!

Quick rant:

I hate everything, everybody and your mother wears combat boots!

Have a nice day.

She's Baaaaaaaaaack!

The noisy upstairs neighbor is back. Sometimes it's weeks between sightings. We can only hope that she and her loud friend finally leave for the bar, and that they go somewhere other than here afterward. Nothing like listening through the ceiling to some lady puking her guts out at 4am. A little kid comes by to visit now-and-then with who we think is her daughter. This is someone's gramma. Yeesh!


Is this ony about the fifth time that I've complained to my friends about this? Yes, I know that we need to move.

Pretty Good Day

It was a successful trip. Good test results from the doc, but I'll have to go back later in the summer. I highly recommend the Wheaton Eye Clinic. Top notch.


We didn't end up having time to search for one of the cool little diners that we passed by sometime before. At least, we recalled seeing a couple of cool little diners. So, it was the convenience of Baker's Square that got us. That's O.K. We actually kinda like those places where all the oldies hang out. We always feel very young there and at Colonial Cafe, or other places popular with the over 60 crowd. I went with the chicken ceasar pita and the wife had the Bacon Lover's BLT, but couldn't finish it. I tried 3 times and failed at the claw machine. I really wanted the crazy looking stuffed dog, but I also went for the purple hippo. I think I was robbed on the hippo; the claw moved back after I stopped it, dead-center over it. Steener can verify that. I was about to pull out the, "You dirty mother-...", but I restrained myself.

All-in-all, a good day.

Day OFF!

Me and the Steener are going on a little adventure in Wheaton today. No, not a Conservative Christian adventure, but feel free to talk more about taxes or immigration or whatever that leads to today. I've got a Dr.'s appointment and we're gonna check out a book store.

I'll report when I get back. There should be a good gastroblog, because we plan to have lunch out there.

Clerks II

Yes!

http://clerks2.com/


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCW244Uu7vQ


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLvhJ0m5ask

Back To Fun

Alright, so the last couple of posts, particularly the former, was a bad idea. My lack of forethought is what always weakens every argument I make, provided I actually have an argument somewhere in the mess of words that I produce. Thank Ja for EdP.

I want to talk about how freakin' hot it is in this public library today. As you might already know, the weather does not adhere to the municipal schedule for the turning off of the heat and turning on of the air conditioning in public buildings. I'm sitting here in denial while I listen to a fan whir. If I stop typing for even a moment, the combination of quiet, warmth and the fan noise will put me to sleep instantly.

I also want to talk about the killer beans and rice I made last night. Yummy. I like it when I cna just whip something tasty up without any real recipe to follow. I lied, I loosely followed a recipe, but I think my lack of proper ingedients made something better than what the recipe could.

Everyone have a fantastic day, and I'll see you Century of Progress guys tonight.

The Good Old Days Of The Cold War

I'm old enough to remember the good old days, when East vs. West meant "How many bombs do they have, and who will use them first?" Being an Air Force kid, I think I had a heightened awareness of the dynamic, especially having lived in Turkey for a couple years, the Black Sea front. Yes, those were the good old days - or were they?

I was never more threatened by terrorism than when I lived there, and I still feel less threatened now then I did then. There were the minor acts of terrorism that never even made the news (as far as I knew), and there were the biggies, like Munich and the Achille Lauro. Even still, there was a greater fear of nukes, whether it was well founded or not. After all - enough nukes are still around, and if you believe MADD, then the likelihood of a nuke war was pretty close to nothing. The consequences, though...

When the Cold War was winding down and all of the academics, politicians and the military strategists were trying to make sense of the new landscape, I was in college studying Politial Science, or Governmental Studies or International Relations - whatever you want to call it. There was only very little attention paid to terrorism, specifically, as a prominant feature of the new set of issues. There was a lot of talk about regional hegemons popping-up, and the fires that fueled ethnic conflicts, once dampened, that were (and are still) burning again; but not much about terrorism. In fact, I wanted to write a paper on domestic terrorism for a class, but the prof. told me that there would be nothing there. Oops.

Anyway, my point is that I'm stupidly nostalgic for the Cold War and am sick of terrorism (like, who isn't?). We've all heard the comparisons between the Cold War, Post War and Post 9/11 worlds, and yes, it's very messy now. I really miss the US vs. THEM simplicity. Proxy wars, spying and shoes banging on tables added layers of interest, but it still came back to the polarized world view. As much as we try to impose that type of simplicity now, it just isn't the same. Plus, the movies and novels and music was fun! James Bond, The Man From U.N.C.L.E., Get Smart- all that stuff had a levity to it. You could forget for a while that because of it all, people were living horrible lives and died.

Nowadays, we're dealing with terrorism, emerging nuclear powers and nuclear terrorism. I should be more frightened by it, but I'm really just more confused. Uncertain, really.


Call me an idiot or tell me that I have an unsophisticated opinion, but I want my Cold War era back!

Let Me In, Immigration Man...

1. Immigration is good for our country


2. Having some rules in place to govern it is sensible (duh)


3. Disregarding those rules (and related rules, like hiring of undocumented immigrants) ought to be discouraged and result in some unfavorable consequences for the offender


4. These rules should be applied to all immigrants and foreigners who are working in the U.S.


5. Fairly free borders on our North and South makes sense for commerce and good relations, but deserve to be adequately policed

Becoming a citizen of the U.S. is something that has and should remain a worthy goal for those who desire it. In order to maintain the worthiness of that goal (and to make it fair to all), there should be conditions met regarding knowledge of the laws and history of this country. It doesn't have to be much, just somthing. I believe that is still the case, and I haven't heard any proposition to change that. Aside from being born here, just showing up shouldn't constitute a right to citizenship.

listening to a speach by the president of the group that organized Monday's protest on the National Mall, it's clear that (at least for that group) citizenship is only one facet of concern. Another is labor rights for citizens and non-citizens working here and in the rest of this hemisphere.

It should not be a shock to anyone who supported NAFTA that cross-border labor issues are now becoming intertwined with citizenship and immigration issues.

I have no delusions that the need to preserve our laws and sovereignty is a concern for anyone outside of the U.S., or for some in the U.S., who have had the rhetoric of free trade rammed down their throats. Why would it? This is especially true for people who see this country as a white devil.

Is our vision of free trade the same vision shared by our neighbors? This is another fine mess we've gotten ourselves into. It will be interesting to see how it plays out over the next 50 or so years.

It's Good To Be Back

Talk about suffering! Not to mention the battle with evil that I fought to win my soul back.
Having Randy's soul in control of your body is physically demanding and a little bit shameful, but the food is great (with the exception of the 3am microwave cheeseburgers).

What does that mean, anyway "not to mention..." I just mentioned it! If I didn't mean to do it, then it was a mistake, or I really did mean to mention it.

I want to apologize to dc liar. Randy seemed to have touched a nerve. I know that the liar loves his old gas bag canine companion. He has a tough time of it these days, and having to defend his mutt is the last thing that he should have to do.

This will be a kinder, gentler blog from here on out.

I do wish to weigh in on the suffering issue. Jeanz said that Joe Hunger (which sounds like Munger) doesn't have time to think about what it's like to be hungry until he finds some food. While generally, that might be true, I don't think that we are mechanically searching for the next lever that delivers a cracker and opens the door to the next level of comfort and pleasure. Joe Hunger might never self actualize, but he's probably not counting on it, either! So, he might get on with the things that humans do, like developing his thoughts. Even under very difficult conditions, people do consider the big questions and grow, particularly spiritually. It certainly helps if you're not nervously searching for food.

If I completely misread you Jeanz, then let me join with edp in declaring that I, too, am an idiot.

You all are the best.

Viva La Goblin!

Y'know What I Hate?

I hate puppies. That's right- I hate puppies. They're little stinking shit machines, that's what they are. I don't know why people bring them into their homes! For cryin' out loud, people, what is the purpose of having them? Aren't we above living with animals after these thousands of years of being here? Haven't we learned that by now? They grow into dogs that crap all over the place. It's bad enough with the hippies doing that, why do we have to encourage animals to do it too?

Another thing I hate - people who like puppies.

Another Musical Masterpiece (or, a piece of something)

There's a new song for you in the "Music" sidebar. It's called Presha, by Cousin Billy Joel.


Cousin Billy Joel is a project that me and the famous Cousin Billy dreamed up when we were inclined to dream things like that up. There isn't much of it, but we hope to continue it soon. If your reviews are favorable, it might motivate us to get to work on it.


Oh, sure Ed P and Mark might have their natural creativity, songwriting abilities and passion to fall back on, but me and Cousin Billy - we have Cousin Billy Joel and Lion and Elephant, dammit!

That and a case of cheap beer will get you one hell of a hangover and something you can't quite be proud of.

No, I am not Randy!

At least once every couple of months, someone mistakes me for Randy G. It happened again last evening at the grocery store. I walked up to a freezer case, a person standing there, turned around, gave me a crazy look and said, "Oh! I thought you were Randy!" This is someone who should f'in' know better, becuase she lived with him for more than a year!

The best case of Randymistakeness was when I was at the Farmer's Market on Palmer Court, when some guy starts snapping my picture, walks up to me and says, "Hi, Randy!" I said, "Dude, I'm not Randy." This guy is a photographer for the local newspaper - SOMEONE WHO SHOULD OBSERVE CLOSELY WHATEVER IT IS THAT HE IS LOOKING AT BEFORE HE TAKES A FREAKIN' PICTURE!

I'll admit that there is some resemblence, but it's only very general. Here's how I am not like Randy:

1) I'm about a foot taller
2) I don't have a beer bottle in my hand
3) I don't dress like one of the Lords of Flatbush (E.P. 10/31/03)
4) I'm not Randy

I feel cursed. I had to endure the constant berating from him when he lived here, and now I feel like I'm living in his drunken shadow.

Randy, I WANT MY IDENTITY BACK!

Buck Owens

Heaven: population, billions of souls + 1

Saaaaaaaaaaaaaalute!

Are Rickshaws The Answer To Our Dependance On Mideast Oil?

At practice, me and the boys were discussing practical alternatives to gas guzzling automobiles. At least, that's how I think we got on the subject of rickshaws. I don't exactly remember, because once we did, I became singly focused on the idea of using them as an alternative to gassing up the automobile for short trips around town. Sure, someone would have to pull the things, but I'm sure there are some health conscious, industrious individuals who would LOVE the excercise - and the opportunity to make some spare change (ka-ching, ka-ching!). It doesn't take a PhD to figure that out!

Some might scoff at the notion of a human carting another around in such a way, but these are desperate times. We need to re-engineer the way that we think about energy and look beyond the old moralities. After all, hasn't the real progress that has been made in society been the result of questioning old, outdated concepts of morality? If a person can carry their own weight while walking, why can't they carry the weight of another?

Imagine tooling around town, waving to your friends while you whisk by on a warm summer day from the recline of your hired rickshaw, knowing that YOU'RE not belching pertrochemical waste into the air. Now THAT'S progressive!

The Face of Democracy

Yes, democracy in Afghanistan will look different than it does here. Very different. We now know that the penalty for converting from Islam to Christianity is - death. It is nice, however, that prosecutors seem ready to spare the convert from trial by declaring him to be insane. Thank you, Afghanistan, on behalf of all the insane people in the world.

Now For Something Fun!

The Lion and Elephant have released two more tracks. We Are Fun (We Will Not Kill And Eat You and its Zoo Remix. No, it wasn't remixed in a zoo. They went to Dublin and remixed it with Bono.

Unpublished

I just wrote a post that nobody will see. I was complaining about being sick of hearing people complain that we're living in a police state where your freedom to criticize the government is severly limited. Horseshit. We do it all the time. If you aren't publically criticising your government, then you are a coward. I was more detailed in my little rant, but it would make me sound like a bigger ass then this did.

One thing though: If you are not happy with power concentrated in the executive and judicial branches, then pressure your congressmen/women to get off of their lazy asses and do some responsible legislatin' for a change.

New Feature Of The New Old Dog Blog - Music

If you look above my "Links" section, you'll see the beginning of a new list of "Music" links.

My first selection is from a duo called Lion and Elephant. They are an actual Lion and Elephant that approached me several years ago to produce them. At first I was reluctant, because I was frightened and feared for my life. They were waiting for me behind the bar late one night. It took a while for me to understand that they weren't going to stomp me to death and then eat me, but wanted me to help them with their recording project. I brought Cousin Billy in to assist. His help with not only the technical aspects, but with both musical arrangements and in calming the frequent, violent outbursts of the artists was invaluable.

Lion and Elephant Rap is the crowning jewel of the first sessions. There were challenges - to say the least - presented by working with a pair of wild animals that had escaped from a nature reserve. As they like to say, they are "off the res", and enjoying their freedom. Their music and lyrics, particularly Rap, reflect the harships that they have endured growing up on a game reserve in the Western United States. This first track, however, is not representative of their entire body of work. The remainder reflects their positive outlook and the joy they have found, even in the face of the challenges of living as large, wild animals in modern society.

As the mixing and other production elements yield completed works, I'll make those available. For now, I hope that you enjoy Lion and Elephant Rap.

Oldies and The Clippers

First topic: The Older Dogs

For those of you who don't know, I am a hearing aid dispenser. Customers make appointments and normally show-up at least one hour ahead of schedule. Often, they're mad that you can't help them one hour ahead of their scheduled time. Big fun. The 10:00am appointment today showed up when? - YESTERDAY AT 1PM! Granted, he's a truck driver and is used to hanging around a town for a day if need be, but this is the earliest anyone has been.

Sometimes, people just show up without an appointment, and sometimes they travel many, many miles to get here. I would never drive 200+ miles somewhere without an appointment, but some of the oldies do. Naturally, they are upset when you can't help them.

The best one was the guy in Pennsylvania who would get worked up about his hearing aid, hop in the car, drive all the way to Illinois. He was really a nice guy, and each time would explain that he was very mad when he got in the car, but had calmed down by the time he reached Indiana. He did this approximately 3 or 4 times.


Second Topic: The L.A. Clippers

Nothing very interesting, as you basketball fans know, except that I signed up for their official updates and e-newsletters a couple years ago, and I received my first one today in quite a while. No, I'm not a big basketball fan, but I just love how they can put a positive (sideways?) spin on everything they do. Gotta love 'em.


I hope that all of you have a fantastic day.

The Garbage My Friend, Is Blowing In The Wind

My hope is that the people in this town who put their garbage outside all week long (illegally, mind you), uncovered, will see that their hamburger helper boxes and condom wrappers are now strewn about for all to see, and that they will keep their garbage inside from now on.

I know that they will continue to do it, but I'll always hope that they won't. They don't seem to mind that the alleys fill up with their garbage even when there aren't high winds.

There are a few houses in my crappy end of town that normally have garbage in the yard. So, today their home look like all of the others! How nice for them.

Crazy Old Dog Is Bloggin' Again!

Tall, regular Harbucks, black on the way home. Energy to blog (Energy Joe!).


Drove out to the big city this morning. Met the Steener, her cousin and cousin's husband. Went to lunch at Flattop Grill. I gotta say, I liked it! I had them whip-up a spicy little beef and greens number - twice! Mmmmmmm.


Me and Steener then went to visit the Big D, Laura and baby. I had to see the kid in person, mainly to confirm that she was real and not a CG rendering by D. Hey, you never know! All I had seen are pictures, and he's pretty good at that stuff. Yea, Laura was pregnant - or was she? Could have been gas. But I held the cute little darling baby girl, and am fairly convinced now that she's for real. What can I say; I'm a skeptic.


My bachelor night, last night, was spent having dinner with the King of DeKalb (Paul), MKS, Lisa and the absent, but promised, presence of Woodburn. As usual, I had the Number 5 (bean tostada, bean taco and cheese enchilada - with beans) and two margarita's. I opted out of going to the bar afterward. This time, I listened to the little voice in my head saying, "You'll blow a bunch of money on cheap bourbon and trash your throat on second hand smoke!" Sadly, I am but a shell of my former self. You remember: I was pretty good at washing down a pack of Marlboro reds with a pint of Jim Beam. Now, I would rather be home, camped out on the couch, watching the conspiracy and psuedo-science programs. I wanted to belt out with the guitar, but the neighbor above was home, and it was too late for that. I'm way to friggin' nice to a lady that kept us awake so many times.

Gas Prices

Why do gasoline prices vary so much from gas station to gas station?

One reason:

Local Chicago news program reports that some gas stations sell gas at a loss to get people in to buy other products (Jewel, Meijer, stations with convenience stores). Chain stations will sometimes sell at a loss when they open a new store to compete with the existing stations in the area.


In an effort to normalize gas prices, illinois legislators are considering introducing a bill that would make it illegal to sell gas at a loss, much like a law on the books in Wisconsin.


In other words, we might someday be assured that we'll all get to pay the same high price for gasoline everywhere we buy it.

Otto Von Bismarck

I'd like to thank Josh for the heads up on the quote. Here's what might be the actual quote:


"Laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made."


It turns out that he has some other good ones:

"A journalist is a person who has mistaken their calling."

"I have seen three emperors in their nakedness, and the sight was not inspiring."

"Never believe anything in politics until it has been officially denied."

"There is a Providence that protects idiots, drunkards, children and the United States of America."

"When you want to fool the world, tell the truth."

"The secret of politics? Make a good treaty with Russia."

"The great questions of the day will not be settled by means of speeches and majority decisions but by iron and blood."

And, my favorite:

"Politics is the art of the next best."

I Am One Of Them

Alright, I've addressed this before, but I am now solidly established as one of the freaks that hangs out at the public library. Yes, it's only during my lunch hour, but there's a regular cast of characters who either do the same, or spend hours here.

If there's no open computer, then I sit there reading a magazine until one is. We all have had to do it, and we look like vultures when we do. We glance at each other as we're reading, trying to guage who is next in line. Rarely is there a contest when one becomes available, but when that does happen, it resolves itself quickly.

Each person has their preferred place to sit and wait. Therefore, your magazine is selected from the closest shelf. I'm learning interesting things about aviation, current anthropology and architecture. I haven't worked my way down to Cat Fancy yet, but when I do, I might try to change back to my old waiting spot, near Current History.

They're starting to circle, and I have to go back to work. So, happy blogging, fellow bloggers.

Somebody Buy This Kid A Chapman Stick

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSzUe3ZQvxQ

Nice Quote

I just heard a good one:


"Those with a fondness for sausage or democracy should never watch either one being made."

What a Freakin' Day!

Now that I think about it, what a freakin' week - and it's only Wednesday!

A little break tomorrow, though. I'm driving along with the wife to take a couple friends to the airport. Maybe we'll stop at a few places we don't get to often, like the Trader Joe's. I'm hooked on the Kashi Good Friends cereal, and I can only find it there. I think the package design is geared toward older folks who need help with moving things along, but I don't care. I like that sort of grain, bran type of stuff. Also, Trader Joe's has much wine that I like.

Most of all, I just like driving around with the wife. We travel well together. It should be a good day. If I time it right, I'll have a couple of hours to kick back before heading out to practice at Chris B's. Rock!

Now, about food. I'm leaning toward turkey tacos tonight. It's the last episode of Project Runway tonight, and that calls for something special, and turkey tacos is pretty special.

I'm Much Better Looking Than George Clooney

Isn't it obvious?

George Clooney Is An Ass

I'm not sure why I care, but George Clooney just said (while accepting his Oscar) that he's glad that Hollywood is out of touch with the rest of the country, because it was the Academy that "talked about civil rights when blacks were still sitting in the backs of theaters". Meaning, that the rest of us in America are a bunch of ignorant racists.

It wasn't the Academy of Motion Fucking Picture Arts and Sciences that made everyone aware of the legal inequalities of race then, it was people living and working everyday with it, gnawing at their collective consciences-- the great-grandparents, grandparents and parents of all of the people today that George Clooney thinks are stupid, because they aren't actors like him.

What a self important jerk.

More About Eating

EdP says that all of my posts come back to eating. He's correct. So, with this one, I'll get right to the point.

Today at work is what we call Donut Day. You might call it Doughnut day, or if you're German, then you call it Donutstag. Donut Day falls on the first Friday of each month. The purpose of it is to celebrate all birthdays that fall in that month, avoiding an endless succession of stupid individual cake and balloon festivals that are lame and waste a whole bunch of time. I like that about Donut Day.

I took yesterday afternoon off and found out early this morning that Donut Day might not happen, because the big K.L. forgot to stop at the bakery on Thursday afternoon to place the order. That's always the big fear; that he'll forget the donuts. Well, he got word to us at about 7:45 this morning that he managed to get in touch with the bakery late last night, and that there would be donuts after all. A mutiny was averted.

So far, today, I've had one glazed and one sugared--both raised, naturally. Afternoon is when the switch to chocolate frosted cake donut is made. Lunch is pretty much a non-issue. I'll crave somthing salty, but will be too full to eat anything. That's actually what I'm feeling now.

So, I'm going to grab a bag of peanuts.

Froeliche Donutstag!

Grrrrr!

I know that I'm really not getting Lent off to a good start by complaining about the loud, obnoxious young adults in the pew behind us, but they were very, very annoying and I wanted to hurt them! They just would not shut up the whole time. "Yappa, yappa, yappa. I don't wanna be here. I can't wait to get out of here!" Everyone around them did their best to give the subtle signals that indicate what a bunch of shits they were being, but they just didn't get it. You might wonder why nobody just told them to shut the hell up. Well, it's not that simple. Once you start that kind of dialogue, it can get out of hand. The whole thing doesn't last long enough to distract yourself even further by telling adults to be quiet for the people who wish to be there or to suggest that they leave. It shouldn't have to be said!


I should have been happy that they were there, sharing in a very important part of Catholic life, but instead, they made me angry and I wished they would leave. I hope they got more out of it than just a dirty forehead.

Big Ol' Weekend

Now that I have a chance to catch my breath, I'll tell you a bit about my weekend. I'm sure that you're dying to hear about it.

Friday- off work at 11am, drove the wife to the train station then went to Trader Joe's, went home, ate hot dogs for dinner, played guitar, camped out in front of the TV 'til midnight and crashed.

Saturday- up at 5:45am, drove to Chicago with the mother-in-law, met the wife at the wife's sister's place, walked to the Newberry Library where the wife was presenting for the Illinois Medieval Association Conference. The theme was peace and conflict in medieval Europe. The wife presented along with her professor and another grad student. The wife's paper was "Didacticism and Domestic Conflict in the Middle English Lay le Freine". It was about the underlying etiquette lesson in the story. Very interesting. It all ties into her dissertation. She's pretty bright and learned. I was impressed.

Her presentation was at 9:30am. We stuck around for the rest of the day, had lunch there and checked out a couple more panels. I'm thinking of becomming a regular medieval studies groupie. I'm getting good at explaining that I'm not affiliated with any university and that I have no background in the field. I want to go to the grandad of all conferences in Kalamazoo. There's a restaurant there called "Bilbo's", and yes - they have a sandwich called the Gandolf!

We went out for tapas afterward with her prof and others. A plate of three different chorizos and a few sangrias later, and I was on top of the world. We got back to D-Town at about 10pm. I went to Otto's for the Bear Claw/Bog/Quatre Tete show. Bear Claw - not bad! Bog- very good, impressing me more and more each time. Quatratet- I didn't stay past the first couple songs (just enough energy for the drunken bike ride home).

Sunday - Brunch with Big John, Em and baby at the Hillside. Mmmmmmmmmmm!

All-in-all, a pretty darn good weekend.

Go Sports!

I finally made it to an NIU basketball game. The men's team, which is tied for first place in the MAC West, played Central Michigan (not a powerhouse, and I think the worst in the division). NIU won, but - ugh!

I'm no athlete, or know much about the game, but I can tell which team is playing like they care, and it wasn't the Huskies.

It was nice to see the new Convocation Center, and if it ever hosts enough people to fill it - I mean, for a sporting event, not the recent sold out Rascal Flats concert (Remember, it's DeKalb) - it would be impressive.

That Song Has Failed

I'm really questioning my ability to write a song. I always thought that I'd get better at it, but because of laziness and a low-key, hum-drum nature, I haven't really moved beyond my old mode of writing. I'm at my best when it just happens quickly, and I'm at my worst when I think about it too much. There's a point at which I can strike a balance, and can spend time re-working until something good happens. I then run the risk of trying to do too much, and it becomes an unwieldy clunker with too much going on.


I really admire my friends who are able to write good songs. Unfortunately, I'm also envious, which I feel guilty about, because I know that they work at it and write many, many, many bad songs before a good one comes along - at least that's what they tell me.

I don't claim to be in the same league with the songwriters that I know. I know that I'm not. I'm O.K. with that. I also know that I have written a few that I like and that I think are actually fairly good. I just want to write more of them, and different ones!

Wish me luck, or tell me to stop whining.

"Inka society had a serious mummy problem"

A great book, 1491, by Charles C. Mann, sums up with that sentence the problem that resulted from too many mummified rulers living on politically after death. They were never really considered dead, because they were immortal. They spoke through mediums. They also retained all of their palaces and worldly goods. A rapid succession of rulers, as a result of disease, left the Inka society with several mummies competing for power.

There's a lot to be said for the peaceful transition of power under the rule of law.

My Wife - Nerd Queen

Here's one of the reasons I love my wife. I'm looking through the bookmarks as I cruise to my favorite blogs and I find this:


http://houseoffame.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/


And she can actually read it.

Follow-up On The Cheese Dip

So, as you can see, I've lived through the cheese and sausage dip to blog again. I got about one third into it with the wife's help. She then told me to, "Get that out of this house!"

Mary Kay and someone else from work accepted the remainder. We'll see how it is after it's a few days old. I estimate its half-life to be about 5 days.

Here's A Tip...

A very "challenging" customer sent a nice tip to me this week. He suggested that I go drink with it. Instead, I bought some fancy-ass coffee to brew in the giant perk at work and a mess of fancy-ass cookies to go along with it. It wasn't enough for the whole staff to drink on. So, coffee that's better than the crap we normally drink and a mess of cookies will do.

Customer service can really suck, but sometimes a little acknowledgment of that fact helps.

Thanks, Mr. O'Meara!

This post goes out to all my HHE crew.

Un-funny Joke

There were a few funny comments on my last post. However, there was one that was NOT FUNNY.

It was not in bad taste. It was not offensive. It was wasn't really much of anything. It didn't even contain a joke that was so bad that it was funny because it was so bad. It had two elements that might make it funny: it related to my post and it was designed to poke fun at me. However, it was not funny. Let's examine it.

"Phew! Noone made this joke yet. Here goes... Joey, you'll always be my favorite dip. Yowza! Zing!"


The first thing that we notice is that the author has already come to the conclusion himself that it isn't funny. This is shown by the way that he immediately places a crutch under it with his exclamation, "Phew!" and then follows with a set-up, complete with the use of the elipsis as a sort of drum roll. While it catches our attention and makes us think that we're about to hear something very funny (perhaps even something funny that we've thought of ourselves in the short time that it took to move our eyes from the previous comment to this one), it, in itself, is not very funny. It takes a moment, but then we then realize that it was designed to be so stupid that it's funny.

Here's the main flaw. Reading the joke is like driving quickly through a small town that you barely noticed. It's so unremarkable that you have to wonder for a moment what it is that you just saw, but you're not really interested enough to do more than glance into the rear-view mirror. Even then, you're satisfied, even if you can't quite make out the prominent features. You continue on, unimpressed.

We then get a little treat at the very end. A couple of cute little words that are there to let us know that we're all in on the joke that the joke itself isn't funny. Normally, "Yowza!" and "Zing!" are fun, just on their own, but in this context, they become nothing more than the most entertaining part of the whole un-funny joke/comment. The problem is that, as we already know, the core of the joke/comment is much too bland to accomplish its purpose. This is all made worse by the possibility that come-backs to the joke are likey to be funnier. Simply stating that the joke is cheesy could accidentally be said without even being intened to be funny, and still be funnier than the joke.

While I appreciate the time spent by the author to comment on my blog, a funny comment would have been more appreciated. Frankly, I feel a little cheated. I see that he posts much funnier comments on e-pissy. Therefore, I have to assume that he saves all of his best material for that. It makes sense, being that the audience on e-pissy is larger than my blog. It's just that I guess that I expected more from a friend.